I know it's been far too long... please forgive me!!

Hi there, ladies!

It's been so long. I'm so sorry, but for awhile now I just couldn't get myself to post on here. To be honest I am frightened of falling back into the heavy restriction that had been a habit. Restricting isolated myself socially and made me extremely unhappy. I didn't even look that good, despite what some of you said when I was at my lowest of 114 pounds, a BMI of 17.33. I did not look healthy. I look back at pictures of myself at the end of my senior year and in my senior show "Into the Woods", and I looked gross. I didn't even realize it at the time, and unfortunately my mind was set on how skinny I could be. The reason I am afraid of posting on this blog is that it seems to put me into a cycle: I start off with a "healthy but thin" mindset, aiming to stay within a BMI of 18.5-19.5, but then I see how thin others of you are getting and think, "Why don't I go further? It would get me more modeling jobs, anyway!" But no, no, no. All restricting leads to is unhappiness, and that is the truth, whether you realize it right now or not. I'm so much happier now, I have a vibrant social life, I am attracted to my then boyfriend now fiance again (yes, restricting very much lowers your sex drive), my boobs are bigger, I look sexier, I have curves but I'm thin and I love it.

It's funny how when girls are restricting they say, "Stay strong", but it really takes more strength to make the healthy choice. At least for me, it's all too easy to restrict. It's all too easy to turn down coffee and lunch dates so I can go to my room and continue to starve. It's harder to make the choice to eat and be healthy, but so many positive things come from it. I'm so much happier than I was at the end of my senior year and I know being at a healthy weight is to thank for that.

The photos above are from my August 2011 photo shoot with Privileged Model Management. On the day of the shoot, I stood at 5'8, 125 pounds, a BMI of 19. It's funny how so many girl's blogs that I've read say at a BMI of 19, "Ugh, I'm still so fat!" Do I look fat to you? I look as thin as I did at 114, only my hair and skin are healthier and I am a hell of a lot more confident. Eating disorders are not the answer, my lovely ladies, as much as you may think so right now. I know, because I believed in it once. I embraced ana as a lifestyle, and sometimes I'm still tempted to. But you lose so much: friends, family, passion, happiness, energy, so many important things.

Take a step back, and look at how beautiful you are.

Love always,

Kayla Marie (Lita)

7-Day Detox: Who's With Me? & Twiggy Thinspo :)

Hello everyone! Sorry that I've been MIA for over 2 weeks now. I suppose I should let you all know how the second interview with Privileged Model Management went :) I have a photo shoot with them on August 28th!!! After the photo shoot, I'll put together my compcard and then they'll start sending out my face to clients. Then, after I score my first job, I'll finally be able to call myself a model :)

So, to prepare for my big photo shoot, I've decided to do a 7-day detox. Here's the plan I'm going to follow below:

August 22 Liquids only

August 23 Liquids and fruit only

August 24 Add raw vegetables

August 25 Add cooked vegetables and brown rice

August 26 Add beans, lentils, nuts and seeds

August 27 Add grains and live yogurt

August 28 Add fish

Find more details at this site. I am hoping to find some buddies to join me on this detox. If you would like to, please leave a comment with your email address and we can keep in contact throughout the detox. It's nice to have someone to stay accountable to. My boyfriend has already agreed to join me on the detox, but the more the merrier! :)

I hope you are all doing well :) Stay beautiful!!

Lita

The Big Interview is TODAY!!!! :D

August 3, 2011:

Weight: 114.6

BMI: 17.42

It's the big interview with Privileged Model Management today! I am so excited/nervous. This interview could completely change the direction of my life, depending on if I get signed, and then if I do sign with them, how many jobs I'll have. Will I get to travel? Will I make a lot of money? What direction will my career go? Today is full of so many questions, anticipations, excitements. I can't wait to see what today brings :)

Wish me luck, everyone! I want this more than anything, and when I say that, I mean it. There's nothing else I'd rather do for the rest of my life than work in the arts. It would be a dream come true :)

Stay strong, stay beautiful! xoxo

Lita

Monday Weigh-in, Collarbones, & an Exciting Week :)

August 1 Weigh-in:

Weight: 115.8

BMI: 17.61

As you can see, I am obsessed with collarbones! I think they're absolutely beautiful. I hope you enjoy the photos above as much as I do :)

I'm happy with where I weighed in today, because it is right in the middle of my weight range! So... I have to confess. I have a planned binge this week. On Tuesday, I have an open call with Arquette Agency. Then, I have my second interview with Privileged Model Management on Wednesday. I have been super good (eating under 1000 calories a day, exercising daily, staying in my weight range, etc) for about 3 weeks now. And well... I want to indulge after the two big events of this week that I described above, and what better way to do that than at a county fair? :) I am going to eat an elephant ear, cheese curds, everything! And I can't wait!! (Especially for the doughy item covered in sugar!!)

After that, I'm back to being my good self, especially if I sign with PMM. If I sign with them, my county fair binge might be my last for a very, VERY long time. The last email I received from the founder of PMM, Craig, said near the end, "I look forward to working with you soon." That sounds promising, right?? I sure hope so!!

I hope everyone is doing well and I will do my best to catch up on all your blogs! Have a great week, and please, wish me luck!! :)

Lita

Thin has always been in - Thinspo of the past :)

Today:

Intake: 852

Outtake: 2268

Audrey Hepburn stood at 5'7 and weighed 110 pounds, putting her at the slim BMI of 17.23. Her measurements were 32-20-35 - that's right, the same measurements as me, only her waist was 4 inches smaller! Can you imagine having a 20-inch waist?? Crazy!!

Well, tomorrow I have my first open call! I'm super nervous, because I really want to sign with this agency. Their models have appeared in campaigns for major national and international companies including: A&F, Hugo Boss, Dolce & Gabana, Ralph Lauren, Polo, Gap, Sketchers, etc. etc. I want this so much. Although of course I am going to do everything to be professional, positive, and friendly, I need to remember that in the end, they'll choose to represent me or not because of my look, not so much my personality. I'm putting my best forward, but in the end, they either like my look or they don't. So much pressure! And yet really, in the end it's just about looking good, or what they think is good, or not. So weird.

I hope everyone had a great day. Take care!!

Lita

SUCCESS!!! & Thinspo :)

5'8 Model of the day: Anna Rudenko

Agency: Premier Model Management

Bust: 32

Waist: 22.5

Hips: 35

Women Shoe: 4

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Grey

Great news!! I received replies from 3 agencies so far. Two of them, Arquette Agency and Privileged Model Management, want to meet me in person and invited me to open calls! Models 1 Agency, however, told me that I am "very pretty" but they don't think I am right for their agency. At least they left me with a compliment!

Thanks to everyone for your lovely comments on my snapshots and your encouragement!! Jenn, thank you so much for your comment on my head shot specifically! I was nervous to take photos without makeup, so it's nice to hear that someone thinks I look better without makeup than with :)

I hope everyone has a great day! Stay strong and stay thin! xoxo

Lita

Snapshots, Monday Weigh-In, & Modeling :)

July 25 Weigh-in:

Weight: 115.2

BMI: 17.52

Measurements: 32-24-35

I've officially applied to 10 agencies! I sent the snapshots above to the agencies. Any thoughts/opinions/feedback? :) Be honest if you choose to share!

I was surprised when I weighed in at 115.2 today, because I ate just under 1200 calories yesterday, but nonetheless, I am happy because I'm in the lower end of my weight range!

Here's to another great week :)

Lita