Hello, ladies.I write not knowing whether there will ever be a "normal" post from me on this blog again.
Honestly, it's getting harder and harder for me to update my blog each day, and here's why: my thoughts on what I want, need, and should do keep changing each and every day, usually multiple times throughout the day. I feel so conflicted, and I don't feel as if this is a place where I can come and express that. Not because I feel uncomfortable, because all of you have been so supportive and encouraging time and time again... but because I simply feel inadequately suited to articulate the thoughts of my own mind. I'm sorry. I'll blog when I can, but I can't promise any consistency, or even offer to be that inspiration that I have become for some of you. It has been amazing to be an inspiration, but at the same time, maybe I've let this blog pressure me too much. Maybe I just need to let myself BE, and make my decisions day by day, instead of feeling like I need to stick to a "plan of action" because I wrote about it on my blog. The truth is, some days I feel like I need to fast, others restrict, others eat healthily, others binge. I'm just not a consistent person, about as consistent as my weight, which has continued to fluctuate from 114-120.5 over the past few weeks. I'm happy at those weights, I really am. But I just want to be able to go with the flow of what I feel my body needs instead of worrying about people feeling bad for me because I binged. I don't want people to feel bad for, or sympathize with, or pity me for binging. Is this making any sense?? I worry that my thoughts are becoming less and less concrete. Can anyone relate?
This probably isn't a post any of you were expecting. I sincerely apologize. Maybe one day I'll go back to my daily update days, but for now... these are the dysfunctional thoughts of my mind.
Peace, ladies,
Lita
You don't have to apologise, this is your blog, your life and therefore your right to do things the way you want to. I think I understand; I have been through that uncertainty, my resolves are fickle, changing from one day to the next.
ReplyDeleteYou have to be yourself if you are to stand any chance of being happy. Blogs can bring comfort, knowing you are not alone in your thoughts, but then sometimes, alone in your thoughts is all you want to be.
Do what you want to, need to. I'm here for you if you did ever want support, you seem like such a genuinely lovely person.
Love AJ xx
Do whatever makes you happy darling! Don't feel that you have to do anything or be anything for us, we read because you're you! and whatever you decide is best for you we will support. Please don't stress about this, its not worth it xxx
ReplyDeleteDitto. AJ and Almost.Skinny are totally correct. Your blog should be for you. If people find it inspiring then great they'll read and if they don't that should be okay too. You need to do what works for you and what makes you happy. I think most people can relate to the fluctuations between health, restriction and bingeing - at least I can! You're human and we're all just trying to feel our way through life as best we can. That means that we are going to change our mind, rethink our plans of action, fall of the wagon, get back, heck we might change wagons all together : ) and it's all okay.
ReplyDeleteI also agree, you should blog the way you like.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's just difficult to blog every day or do what you planned to do the day before. And you don't have to do it. I also change my mind constantly and don't feel like sticking to a schedule. Just be yourself! That's what matters the most :)
I totally get that. I think that's why I took a long break this year...
ReplyDeleteGood luck! I hope you find what you need out there :)
I know exactly how you feel. I don't want to ever set things in stone by writing them, so I never do. just write whats in your heart, WHEN you are inspired to do so.... I enjoy your posts and I will gladly continue to read whenever you do share.
ReplyDeletexoxo
I understand how you feel. This is your blog, write what you want and if you change your mind in an hour, you are allowed to post saying that you changed it. That's the beauty of having your own space. Sometimes, writing out your unclear thoughts, or what you are so unsure of can bring clarity and understanding to the situation, and help you to realize what it was you wanted. At the end of the day, you have to do what has made you happy in those moments threw the day. It isn't about "did I stick to a goal" or "did I figure out what I needed" it's about getting threw with a smile and doing what worked for you that day. When you post, I'll read and when there are time gaps, me and your other readers will completely understand.
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